How did I end up here?
Oct. 31st, 2012 05:31 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
baptizemyselfHow did she end up here?
It started with a call. A call from someone who she wouldn’t necessarily call a friend but would tentatively call an ally. And the call was about someone she definitely would call a friend: Dinah Lance, AKA the Black Canary, was in trouble and when a friend is in trouble you put aside all the little rivalries and you suit up.
And you do everything - anything - to do the job in front of you, and in the grand scheme of things, agreeing to a date with a guy to get the information you need is small change. Sure, she could have beat it out of him, but that was messy and time consuming and it was so much easier just to say yes. Even if he was an insufferable little sleaze bag.
And so the Canary was saved, and even if she was a little broken, she wasn’t damaged. But she was still out of the game, at least temporarily, and Oracle needed a new field operative. And it wasn’t like she was doing it for Oracle, she was doing it for Canary.
So how did she end up here?
Well. Then the boss got kidnapped and whatever their differences, some things are just more important. So she suited up again and she helped save Oracle. And they thought: maybe this could work. Maybe the three of them, together, could do some good. And Helena thought that maybe, just maybe, she would finally be accepted as one of the good guys.
It was short lived. Things were said that couldn’t be taken back - things that hit a little too close to the bone - and Helena went her own way.
But how did she end up here?
There was still that date she’d agreed to. She probably could have skipped out on it. It’s not like he knew her real identity. But the information he’d provided had saved Canary’s life and that is worth much, much more than a date.
And how did she end up here?
Well it turns out that the sleaze bag could actually be quite sweet, when the mood took him, and Helena was feeling vulnerable after the argument with Canary and Oracle and he’d been there and..
That’s how she had ended up here.
Maybe they were right. After all, isn’t this what she always does? Use sex for comfort? Look at the evidence: Nightwing, Arsenal, even Vic - all of them were convenient.
Did she love them? She’d loved a man once, and it had ended in disaster. But did she love the men she’d slept with? No. Not in the way she should have done. Maybe she could have loved Charlie, but she never gave herself the chance to find out. She knew too much about his future to let herself get that close.
Was she attracted to them? They were all attractive men, no one could deny that, and Helena could appreciate their beauty. But honestly, no: she was not attracted to them. She was attracted to what they represented.
The truth is there is only one person since Tony whom she can truthfully say she has been attracted to - really physically like a punch in the stomach attracted to - and it isn’t any of the men she has slept with.
She takes a deep breath as she finally admits to herself that she is attracted to Renee Montoya.
She looks down at the young man sleeping beside her, his head buried under a pillow.
So how did I end up here?
By trying to pretend that I’m not falling for her.
Before she can get too lost in her thought, her phone rings and the name on the caller ID is ‘Oracle’. She answers the call.
“Helena, I’ve got an assignment for you...”
It started with a call. A call from someone who she wouldn’t necessarily call a friend but would tentatively call an ally. And the call was about someone she definitely would call a friend: Dinah Lance, AKA the Black Canary, was in trouble and when a friend is in trouble you put aside all the little rivalries and you suit up.
And you do everything - anything - to do the job in front of you, and in the grand scheme of things, agreeing to a date with a guy to get the information you need is small change. Sure, she could have beat it out of him, but that was messy and time consuming and it was so much easier just to say yes. Even if he was an insufferable little sleaze bag.
And so the Canary was saved, and even if she was a little broken, she wasn’t damaged. But she was still out of the game, at least temporarily, and Oracle needed a new field operative. And it wasn’t like she was doing it for Oracle, she was doing it for Canary.
So how did she end up here?
Well. Then the boss got kidnapped and whatever their differences, some things are just more important. So she suited up again and she helped save Oracle. And they thought: maybe this could work. Maybe the three of them, together, could do some good. And Helena thought that maybe, just maybe, she would finally be accepted as one of the good guys.
It was short lived. Things were said that couldn’t be taken back - things that hit a little too close to the bone - and Helena went her own way.
But how did she end up here?
There was still that date she’d agreed to. She probably could have skipped out on it. It’s not like he knew her real identity. But the information he’d provided had saved Canary’s life and that is worth much, much more than a date.
And how did she end up here?
Well it turns out that the sleaze bag could actually be quite sweet, when the mood took him, and Helena was feeling vulnerable after the argument with Canary and Oracle and he’d been there and..
That’s how she had ended up here.
Maybe they were right. After all, isn’t this what she always does? Use sex for comfort? Look at the evidence: Nightwing, Arsenal, even Vic - all of them were convenient.
Did she love them? She’d loved a man once, and it had ended in disaster. But did she love the men she’d slept with? No. Not in the way she should have done. Maybe she could have loved Charlie, but she never gave herself the chance to find out. She knew too much about his future to let herself get that close.
Was she attracted to them? They were all attractive men, no one could deny that, and Helena could appreciate their beauty. But honestly, no: she was not attracted to them. She was attracted to what they represented.
The truth is there is only one person since Tony whom she can truthfully say she has been attracted to - really physically like a punch in the stomach attracted to - and it isn’t any of the men she has slept with.
She takes a deep breath as she finally admits to herself that she is attracted to Renee Montoya.
She looks down at the young man sleeping beside her, his head buried under a pillow.
So how did I end up here?
By trying to pretend that I’m not falling for her.
Before she can get too lost in her thought, her phone rings and the name on the caller ID is ‘Oracle’. She answers the call.
“Helena, I’ve got an assignment for you...”
